lyndon baines

I gave Lyndon his pre-surgery bath today.  My other dogs try to swim over the water, but Lyndon just gets stiff as a board; like a cat.  I felt so sad washing his leg, knowing that by thursday it will be in the bottom of some biohazard waste bin in the back room of a necropsy lab.  I actually had to go into a biowaste storage once… it was horrifying.  I’ve been spending the day looking up pictures of amputation scars and reading early-stages recovery stories.  Needless to say I am emotionally exhausted.  The worst part is that he has no idea what’s about to happen to him… and I can’t explain why I’ve made the decision to do this scary, painful thing to him. 

More than anything I think that I am afraid he will die in the surgery, and in an attempt to prolong his life and happiness, I will have actually killed him when he would still be able to survive if I hadn’t done this.  If he dies I don’t think I will be able to ever forgive myself….

Hi my name is Ananda and My dog, Lyndon, has synovial sarcoma.  I’m sure that this is not the most fancy or formal blog that can be found in the tripawds site, but this is my first attempt at a blog and I’m still trying to figure out the system. 

I joined tripawds this week because I’ve been told that it is a very helpful and supportive community of doggie parents that have had to go through the amputation process.  My little miniature pinscher, Lyndon, is going to have his hind leg amputated this coming wednesday and I am having a very difficult time dealing with the guilt of putting him through a surgery, a long recovery and years of only having three legs.  After reading some of the other blogs in this site I realize that I am very lucky, as Lyndon will not require any chemotherapy.  He has a synovial sarcoma (which is cancer of the joint fluid) around his left hock joint.  When I first had the growth looked at, my vet thought that it was a cyst because she was able to extract fluid from the lump.  So, relieved that it wasn’t cancer, we had the “cyst” surgically removed.  The tissue was interwoven though his muscles, bone and achilles tendon.  When they did the biopsy of what they removed they found out that the growth was actually cancer.  Two months later the tumor was completely back and bigger than it had been when we removed it.  I tried to avoid amputation, but it is the only thing I can do now.

Lyndon is 12 years old and I am terrified that he will not be able to adjust to life with only three legs, not to mention the idea of surgery is a terrible one. If anyone could offer me a little encouragment on this absolutly aweful process I would sure appreciate it.  Thanks, Lyndy B’s mama.